I've probably written this about 20 times lol. In the last year I have learned more about how easy it is to not take time with Jesus. After having our son Isaac it was still easy because we were living in such a high of our miracle and the grace of God. It was easy on Sunday to engage because he slept most of the time but as time went on it became easy to not worship Jesus or read my bible. It became easy to not talk to anyone, not be available in the ways you knew God wanted you to be. As I became more distant my relationship with God also became that way. I know he was knocking and ringing the doorbell heck He was pounding but I shut off everything. I didn't want to hear when doctors told me having another child probably not in the cards, my job if ever I wanted to go back wasn't there anymore even though I knew that we had already made the decision for me to be at home. The reality had become that I was now a mom and didn't know how to find Alison in my new identity that God always had for me.
Now I fast forward to this past fall where I sat In my kitchen with husband and pastor and played out every feeling, every thought and emotion. It was at that point where Pastor suggested for me to seek Christian counseling. It was scary as heck to think something was wrong and that I was a failure as a mom and wife. Well I did exactly what was suggested and got the help I needed. When I was diagnosed with moderate/severe postpartum depression it was like I'm not crazy, I'm not alone. In these last few months I have learned to find the joy in the Lord again. I have found so much peace. When I finally answered the door and reinvited Jesus into my clutter filled, peanut butter smudged messiness I knew things were going to change. Never let your voice not be heard. Never be afraid to let Jesus in even amongst the chaos of life. This bible verse has given me strength through this time "she is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25
