Why we do it?

 Andre and I have so, many times reflected on our time in kids/youth ministry. We have thought about the good, the bad and the ugly. We have been teaching longer than we've been married lol. It is going on 17years and even when we think this isn't what we are suppose to do something comes up to remind us yes God has called us here. We can't even count how many wedding invites or baby showers or even wedding announcements and baby announcements. We can still remember the tears of the new preschooler as they were scared their first day in preschool but fast forward we see them as amazing 8,9, 10 year old kids who love Jesus. So when asked why we do it? We Say because God said to. We love and pray for every child that comes in our classes. We pray they will follow Jesus as Adults and live a life full of God's love. 

"I am a child of God." John 1:12

We have seen fun youth camps, from youth camp on the farm with the most wild activities but the most beautiful scene of 30 youth worshipping God under the stars. Watching the most unlikely kids who if in a school setting would never be friends become the best of friends and love each other. This is just part of why we do it. Watching youth in Rhode Island learn and soak up every word. To break words spoken over them. Watching kids come out of their shells while playing games at summer camp and make friends in a different city. This is why we do it. 

In 2014 we thought it was time to step back from youth ministry but our presbrytry had words that would change our direction. Like a GPS recalculating. We were to be Mother's and Father's in the house. We were to be guardrails for the next generation. We were going to have kids in and out of our house until the day we die. We were going to have fun times. That recalculated our GPS to fulltime kids ministry. We still love youth don't get me wrong but something beautiful of a heart of a young child. This picture below is to show their hearts. A few of our kids that we were teaching or taught made us these for my baby shower. It blessed us so much. They are in Isaac's trunk in his room. This is why we do it.

Now we have moved forward with another amazing journey that has definitely been a challenge. We have decided to expand our hearts and family by becoming foster parents. We are do excited and scared for this next step, but it feels good to listen to God in the still small voice when we feel insecure about it. If you want to see a crazy ride definitely ask God where do you want me?

So, all this to say what has God challenged you to do? Where does he need you? 

The hardest job I ever did during a pandemic

So the original title for this blog was the hardest job I ever did but after leaving it for a while I decided to retitle it. Being a mom is a tough job most days but being a mom during a pandemic  has definitely topped the list of jobs I've done.

Growing up I wanted to be so many things a doctor, a chef, a journalist etc. But being a mom was always on the top of my list. After our journey of infertility and the trials that came with it. Then one day I became a mom. The day we had longed for had came. Now the late nights, colicky baby, throw up and diaper changes made for what I thought was never  ending and exhauting.

Now fast forward 2.5 years and we are in a pandemic. Do you know what living with an extroverted toddler during a pandemic looks like? Why mommy? Why can't I see nana, papa, grandmaman? Why can't I see friends? Why no church? Why can't I go to the park?The never ending questions and sadness that breaks my heart every day. I explain everyday that we need to help other people not get sick and we don't want to get sick. So, in his little voice he says pray mommy pray.

Everyday we pray after the millions of questions and the answers. He definitely doesn't make it always seem easy with the countless meltdowns and frustrations. Especially since he has no outlets outside of our walls and yard and because he is 2 and doesn't understand what it is happening in the world. I'm learning so much in this pandemic about being a mom, being patient, being the best caregiver for him that I can be in this time. I'm learning to give extra snuggles and extra comfort during a time where he seems and feels lonely.

I'm going to finish to say I feel you parents in this time. Especially the ones still working and helping with schoolwork. Keep trusting God and reach out to those around you for comfort and support. I always thought I was well insulated as a mom with people around md for comfort and advice. During this time I am truly grateful for those people who even through a text message or phone call can just offer that comfort I needed during this time.

My last thought is don't let the pandemic eat you up. Don't let it consume you. Trust God in this time. I've learned to lean on Him even more in a time of uncertainty especially with my parenting skills. Find grace and reach out, cry, and pray.

When you say you can't but God says you can....

     Have you ever hear someone say they can't do something but you know they can. Heck have you ever heard that come out of your own mouth. You see for longer than I know I have always said I can't do things it's too hard. I have let the enemy tell me I'm not qualified enough. I have let myself for too long think I am incapable. Last year I said I'm to train for a full marathon in the spring and I was excited. Heck I was stoked, but the last month or so I started thinking I can't it is too hard. I can't I'm not fit enough, I can't I'm too fat still, I can't I'm not good enough.
         Of course I didn't tell anyone because I felt like a failure but once I voiced it I realized I am not the only one. Once I said it outloud I was able to listen and hear God's voice. I pray in the morning while Isaac eats breakfast and I enjoy my coffee and one morning I was expressing my fears to God. I was like I feel like a failure. Why do I say I can do something when I know I can't? In that moment I heard STOP who said you were a failure because I didn't. Who told you that you can't because I didn't. At that moment I started to cry and realized who said that to me no one but myself. No one ever told me I couldn't maybe it was the fear of letting everyone down.
      Do I still have fear heck yes. Do I still doubt yep but when I start feeling that way I remember God's love for me and remember His promises over my life. He gave me the ability to run. He gave me the passion for it. He made me capable and strong. I'm often reminded of this verse "Be Bold, Be Brave, Be Courageous." Joshua 1:9
     What are you saying to yourself? Think

about that for a minute. What lie have you accepted? What words have paralyzed your potential? Think about these questions. I know I have not just with running and my health but as a mom and wife. I have doubted God in so many areas. When you feel you can't. Stop and listen to that still small voice cheering you on say you can. Whether it be at work, school, as a spouse, as a parent or in any other aspect of your life. I challenge you to trust God and His promises. When I finished my half marathon a month ago I cried. I knew God walked with me in my hardest time of that race. Never doubt what He can encourage you to do. Never forget how He carried you.

When the going gets tough....

     So as the last several months I've been training for a half marathon. It wasn't an easy decision and wasn't easy to think I could do it. I definitely had days that I thought I could not do it. Especially on those days that I would puke or get dizzy. Or when I face plant into the ground but, I kept reminding myself I got this. In my training I found so much more than just a runner. I found a woman who is confident and successful. I was blessed with some of the best encouragers God could have given me. A husband and best friend who stood by every single step of my journey. In January when I said yes, I was scared. I was scared of the unknown, that I would fail, that I wasn't qualified enough.
    In that time I was reminded of so many great people in the bible who in today's standards wouldn't be qualified. Moses, David, Esther just to name a few but God used them. God didn't look at them and say sorry you aren't good enough. He didn't look at me and say sorry maybd when you are more fit. He took a woman who is working on her health, who is learning to eat right, excercise properly.
    I started to realize as I was open to my journey how many people it started to impact. People were wow I started running because of you. I am blown away by your dedication how do I do that. In those moments I started to believe I am qualified because God qualified me. He gave me the heart to do what some would say is an impossible task ,but let me tell you something. What ever God has given you a heart for you are qualified. You are exactly what He wants. I still have along way to go on getting faster but I know what is expected of me now. So this nervous and scared woman can rock it.

Persevering through the muck

As I've been deep into my training these last few weeks it came up why am I doing this? Why do I want to do this? I mean I could just continue doing the easy 5km runs. I could just be happy with that, but I  realized that I can accomplish so much more. I had so many people growing up tell me I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm never going to amount to anything. In the last 9 months as I was taking care of my mental health I was encouraged to continue working out. As I was working through those words over me at that moment I decided I can do this. I remember looking at my friend and saying to her I'm going to run a half marathon and she looked at me and said about time, you can do this. So, here I am persevering. Its also funny that this last month in our Kid's Church program it was about a mud run getting through the mayhem. We were teaching about perseverance. The bible verse we learned is
         "but those who trust in the Lord will             receive new strength. They will fly as eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not grow weak." Isaiah 40:31

So here I am feeling the pressure of I don't know if I can do this, it's too hard. Then i here a voice say I am with you, I'm never going to leave you. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. At those moments I feel calm and collective and able to keep going. Right now I'm training for halfmarathon then a marathon but it is so much more. It's for the little girl who thought I'm too fat, I'm not good enough, I can never be healthy. But God sees me differently I'm not too fat, I'm good enough and He made me whole. Whatever obstacle you are facing God can move the mountain. I never thought I'd be here in my life doing the things I am conquering but God knew. He knew I would face my Goliath. So here is my question what Goliath are you facing? Be a David, stand up to the giant and conquer it.

Welcome to my crazy train (marathon training 101)

I made a decision this week that I am going to run a marathon. I have one full year until race day. I have been training for a half marathon but said enough is enough. I got this. The last 3 years I have been running or attempting to run 5km races but something changed last year and I was able to run them, then 10km races. Now I am able to run 21.1km with no effort. So I decided to stop making the I can't list but the I can list. I decided to not let all those people who told me I couldn't but to listen to the ever soft voice of Jesus saying I can.

                                   My first ever 5km

He said, “Don’t worry about it—there are more on our side than on their side.” 2 Kings 6:16

I am saying I can. I am saying I got this. My health has become a priority and running has become an escape. It has become my time with God. I am excited to run my 42.2km race but know that I am boarding my crazy train of training. I am blessed to have my amazing husband and friends pushing me every step of the way. Never say you can't. I never ever thought I would be running let alone a marathon. I'll be honest 3years ago it hurt to run, it was a struggle to breath but now I love it. Now it is much more. It is something I can now say I got this. Achieve all God has for you. Achieve all your dreams. You got this.

PCOS 0 Alison 1

     I was at the gym with a friend and she encouraged me to write about my health journey battling PCOS(Polycystic ovarian syndrome). A little back story on this disease
 1 in 6 women are diagnosed with this disease and currently has no medical treatment as everyone's affects them differently. Mine was infertility due to low progesterone, it slowed my metabolism down which caused my testosterone to be high and look like I was 6 months pregnant. It made it near impossible to lose weight.

      I was diagnosed in 2006 and they tried everything. They tried the one medication that works for some called metformin but it just made me sick. I lived in constant pain and had long menstrual cycles. It caused me infertility which caused continuous miscarriages. Finally in 2015 I met with a fertility specialist who tried to help by trying another medication which again did nothing. It wasn't until I got connected to an amazing dietitian online at pcos diet support. I started to learn which supplements to start taking which is alot trust me eg; chromium, magnesium, vitamin D, vitamin b12, probiotics for gut health, I take ltheanine for anxiety before bed, inositol which now I'm off, I take birth control to balance my progesterone levels. I started to learn what I should be eating. No dairy, no gluten easier said than done, I like pizza haha. The dairy has a hormone in it that can increase my testosterone and gluten can spike my blood sugars.
Now don't get me wrong in between 2015 and now I did have a son who is now 18months old thanks to the Ontario IVF program. In 2017 I had Isaac, beautiful boy, but leading up to that I was expected to lose 10 to 15lbs to fit into 31bmi. Hello, PCOS makes it impossible to lose weight. I managed to lose the little bit of weight and squeaked into the bmi they wanted. Thanks to my awesome friend Jenn.
     Now it wasn't long after I was rediagnosed with PCOS. I took it really hard because I had just started on a new health journey. I was eating right and working out. I remember that walk home clearly. It was a Jan 2018 afternoon, slightly snowing and all I could do was cry out to God I'm so exhausted of fighting. He said keep doing what you are doing and I will take care of everything else. I kept trucking on working hard exercising, eating healthy. In all this time I started finding passion for excercise and yummy food. The more I kept eating healthy and exercising the more results I saw. The less symptoms I had due to the PCOS. My insulin results balanced out, my testosterone level came down. Still having a trouble with the progesterone but one day at a time.
     Fast forward to Jan 2019 and as I was fasting and praying, I remember again asking God did you forget about me. All I can remember is weeping and hearing Do you trust me? I began to say I think so and again heard Do you trust me? Again I said I think so. Finally the 3rd time I heard Do you trust me? At that moment my heart said I need to trust you. In the last few months I kept rolling with health and my doctor is loving my progress and feels I should be able to get off some of the many supplements I'm on to function. I laughed when I heard that and thought you have no idea doc lol. I am still taking my supplements and will continue on this healthy lifestyle. For a matter of fact I'm pushing myself to train for a half marathon. No turning back. As the title says PCOS 0 Alison 1. I will no longer let this disease control my life. God controls it.

My daily morning reality